A Painful Glimpse into My Writing Process

This video portrays exactly how I believe the writing process is/should be. It is chaotic, unorganized, random. It is also painful. I don't think any writer feels content about what they've done until they've had the chance to rewrite it, revise it, change it, modify it, burn it. I know I personally don't. I don't think I am ever fully happy with what I produce. I don't know if that comes from a deeper lack of self esteem problem, but I am truly surprised when people tell me they like what I wrote. My writing process may not be as extreme as that shown in the clip, but it is equally messy. I just start by jotting down ideas about the topic I want/need/have to write about. Then I try to see if and how these ideas relate to each other. Sometimes they don't, so I just delete them and start fresh. I like starting fresh. If I feel like my writing is going nowhere, I prefer tearing that page than continue to work on it. It just makes me feel like I have all the possibilites available again, even though that can also be a bit overwhelming. I am a perfectionist, though (and I think I've already said this before). Once I get a first draft of something, I will check it, review it, change it, keep some parts and erase others. Sometimes I'd look at something I've written and think 'I cannot believe I wrote that'.